Guurrrl you in trouble....

Is Andy Dick drinking again? Dr. drew shall not be pleased.  From TMZ.com:

Andy Dick was arrested in West Virginia this morning on two counts felony counts of sexual abuse in the first degree.


Dick was taken to the Western Regional Jail in Barboursville, where he was eventually released this afternoon. His bail was set at $60,000 (30k for each charge). We're told the owner of the Funny Bone, where Dick performed last night, posted the bail.

Dick faces 1-5 years in prison if convicted.

According to the criminal complaint, Dick was talking to a guy when he "unexpectedly and without invitation grabbed the victim's crotch, repeatedly groping then kissing him."

Also in the complaint, a security guard at the bar says that Andy Dick "grabbed his crotch and began laughing" when the guard tried to give him an armband.

A press release from the Huntington Police Department says: "Based upon statements of two victims and independent witness accounts alleging that he had engaged in unwanted and uninvited groping of the two victims' genital areas, Andrew R. Dick (AKA Andy Dick) of South Pasadena, Calif., was arrested and charged with two counts of Sex Abuse in the First Degree."


Dick is currently on probation over an incident at a chicken joint, where he was arrested for sexual assault. He copped a plea to battery in 2008.

For Ur LOLS

New Gorillaz album!

from digital spy:

Gorillaz have announced details of their upcoming third LPPlastic Beach, which is due for release on March 8.

The animated band's creators Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett told NME that the album is now complete and will feature collaborations with the likes of Lou Reed, Mos Def, Mark E Smith, Snoop Dogg, Bobby Womack, De La Soul and Super Furry Animals frontman Gruff Rhys.

The Clash duo Mick Jones and Paul Simonon will also feature on the record's title track.

"Leeching is the wrong word now, isn't it?" said bassist Murdoc Niccals of the record's guest appearances.

"It's not like I've drawn blood or anything. No, I think the word 'coerced' sings the deal a little better. Although, yes, the coercion did come via chloroform and rohypnol."

Plastic Beach's full tracklisting is as follows:

• 'Orchestral Intro'
• 'Welcome To The World Of The Plastic Beach' (feat. Snoop Dogg)
• 'White Flag (feat. Kano & Bashy)
• 'Rhinestone Eyes'
• 'Stylo' (feat. Bobby Womack and Mos Def)
• 'Superfast Jellyfish' (feat. Gruff Rhys and De La Soul)
• 'Empire Ants' (feat. Little Dragon)
• 'Glitter Freeze' (feat. Mark E Smith)
• 'Some Kind Of Nature' (feat. Lou Reed)
• 'On Melancholy Hill'
• 'Broken'
• 'Sweepstakes' (feat. Mos Def & Hypnotic Brass Ensemble)
• 'Plastic Beach' (feat. Mick Jones & Paul Simonon)
• 'To Binge' (feat. Little Dragon)
• 'Cloud Of Unknowing' (feat. Bobby Womack)
• 'Pirate Jet'

Teen Mom Post!

Farrah is really annoying....but to the point her mother beat her?  wow....from TMZ:

The mother of one of the stars of MTV's "Teen Mom" was charged with domestic assault today, after she allegedly choked and hit her daughter last weekend.

Court officials tell TMZ Debra Danielson -- the mother of 18-year-old "Teen Mom" Farrah Abraham -- was charged this morning in Pottawattamie County court in Iowa ... and is due back in court on February 26 for a preliminary hearing. We're told Debra did not enter a plea today.

According to the Council Bluffs Police Department, Farrah accused Debra of choking her and hitting her on Saturday after a verbal argument erupted between the two over childcare issues and other problems.

When cops arrived at their home, they arrested Debra after observing multiple cuts on the right side of Farrah's lips.

UPDATE: According to Debra's attorney, she's going to plead not guilty.

It's OMG Sunday

Kim Kardashian thinks everyone wants to marry her. Everyone but Reggie, honey!

Tila T the craaaazy claims she is pregnant.  Scary thought:  what if she isn't lying? *shudder*

Dexter's having cancer treatment but all is going well.

Easy Rider Dennis Hopper is dying of cancer and wants to divorce his wife.

UNF

Sounds too familiar

This is exactly "New York Goes to work" which was very short-lived.....have to wonder if this show will be too.  Will Kate be as whiny and annoying as New York?  From Digital Spy:

TLC is reportedly moving ahead with a new reality show starring Kate Gosselin.

The former John and Kate Plus Eight star is to appear in a series in which she works several different jobs, according toThe Wrap.

The programme could also have an interactive component, with viewers defining jobs for Gosselin to do.

The cable network has not confirmed details about the new show.

Didja Hear?

Hef split up with the twins!  about damm time too!  They were just attention whores and needed to go.  Word is that it was an open secret that the twins were fukking everyone but Hef.

"Speaking about suggesting the move to them, Hugh said: "When they thought about it, they thought it was a good idea. They will now be friends, but they won't be defined as the girlfriends. They've been hanging out with a lot of the other Playmates and they see these girls traveling across the country to do promotion. They would like to be doing that, too."


The twins will now move into the neighbouring Playmate house.  don't worry, Hef still has 23 year old Crystal Harris to keep him warm.


*courtesy of Google*

Please Help

People in Haiti are in a lot of trouble and pain right now. By no real comparison, i remember going through hurricane Ike and the one thing i really wanted to help me cope was a cup of hot coffee. Please donate, even a little helps. Donations can be given through the red cross.

update:  please give, word is the hospitals are running out of supplies.  text "HAITI" to 90999 to give $10 to the red cross

or see the weatherchannel.com for more donation options.

Blind Item!

BuzzFoto – If this is true, it’s just plain crazy. We hear that this ‘married couple’ is involved in more of a business arrangement than a romance. It’s not that unusual, since people have been using marriage for many things throughout history. We just think it’s sad there are actual transactions involved here – the monetary kind, trust us, not the sexual kind. One of the partners is paying the other a hefty stipend as an incentive to stay hitched. The receiving partner needs the money because of a drug habit and gambling issues and the other is inclined to give it to fight off rumors of sexuality/bad past/unattractiveness. Both in the relationship are celebrities, both have been up against speculation, and both are all about the PR to keep the ball rolling on their different needs being fulfilled by the marriage. Not Katie and Tom.


*Spin's guess - Will & Jada or Ben & Jennifer*

A Holy Shit Batman! Post

Greasy Bear OD'd!  from radaronline:


Just days after he checked himself out ofrehab, Jason Davis overdosed on drugs and landed in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center,RadarOnlne.com is reporting exclusively.

Davis was put in rehab by his brotherAlexander and Tom Arnold, who staged an intervention December 30. But merely one day later, Davis checked himself out and was furious at the intervention.


Now, Davis, who has been addicted to heroinin the past, OD’d and landed in the hospital, RadarOnline.com learned exclusively. It was not immediately known what drug caused his current overdose.

*isn't he kinda fat for being a heroine addict?*

Tila Tequila Exclusive!!

Ok readers, your pal Spin has an exclusive about Tila Tequila from someone who went to high school with her in Houston, Texas! That's right bishes, Tila went to high school in Houston!

 According to my source, Tila then was a sweet girl, nice to hang with and hung out with the "in" asian fashion crowd. My source had nothing bad to say about her. Source said they knew Tila 3 years since Tila graduated a year before her. When I  asked what the source thought happened to her and my source said they really don't know, she used to be so nice.

 I also asked about Tila's claims of having been in juvie. My source said they weren't that close but had Tila been gone for an extended period for something like that, it would have been noticed.

 So there you go, kids! Is Tila a liar? Maybe now. Tweeker? Hanging out with Casey Johnson knowing she was an addict? Possible! what happened to the amicable, nice Tila? Did she kill that part of her with her myspace and mtv ambitions?

now Tila is claiming she is pregnant.  I feel sorry for her.

2. I love Casey So much! Please stop with the NEGATIVE & let's remember how beautiful she was & to me http://tinyurl.com/ye2jyo9-Retweetabout 4 hours ago from web
3. Thank u everyone for your kind words. I am off to bedrest again now. I have let go of all anger inside of me. It feels so good! TTYL! xoxoabout 4 hours ago from web
4. My Wife has passed away and all I have left is the baby. I wish mean people can just respect the dead and respect a new life growing inside!about 4 hours ago from web
5. The doctor i visited says that all this stress and negative people around me getting me upset, can affect the baby in a bad way. Pls stop.about 4 hours ago from web
6.   
   Let me know when you're all ready to see the old happy Tila back cuz I'm ready...Once ur all ready... I will tell u what the good news is!
   
   

Hrrm...

If you really have to wonder why this may be a huge problem, please please please pick up a history book or visit a holocaust museum or ask a survivor.  Anybody who tries to wipe out an entire group of people simply because of their ethnicity is seriously mentally ill and if they have political power, well, let me point you to the concentration camps.  From digital spy:

Oliver Stone has sparked controversy by claiming that Hitler is an "easy scapegoat".

The Wall Street 2 director made the comments while promoting his new documentary series, The Daily Telegraphreports.

The Secret History Of America, which Stone claims will put historical figures such as Hitler and Stalin "in context", aims to discover hidden facts about the United States.

In a trailer for the show, Stone says: "You cannot approach history unless you have empathy for the person you may hate."

Meanwhile, at a press conference at the Television Critics Association he explained: "We can't judge people as only 'bad' or 'good'. Hitler is an easy scapegoat throughout history and it's been used cheaply. He's the product of a series of actions. It's cause and effect."

The show's lead writer Professor Peter Kuznick insisted that Hitler will not be portrayed positively in the series, but said that he will be discussed in the context of the time instead of as "somebody who appeared out of nowhere".

Stone, who revealed that he did not want to make an "easy" history programme, added that he expects the series to be criticised.

For your Weekend

Blackstreet! Enjoy

Georgey the Kitteh

Gossip is a bit slow and I don't have much of anything else, so here's Georgey to entertain you!

2010

This year is starting out kinda slow...Khloe K wants a baby cuz sister Kourtney had one, it's already announced that there shall be an Avatar 2 and Conan O'brien is getting screwed.  Actually, Conan may come out with the best deal, have to wait and see.

Should be some good blind items coming along soon!  Check back!

Off the Market!

Vince Vaughn got married....frankly , I thought they had already gotten married, but whatever.  I find it funny that Radaronline just had to mention that Jennifer Aniston did not attend.

Wedding Crashers star Vince Vaughn secretly married his girlfriend Kyla Weber on Jan. 2, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

The 39-year-old actor’s wedding was held at an historic mansion near his Chicago home.
 
Vaughn’s former girlfriend Jennifer Aniston did not attend.

The three-day wedding celebration began with a New Year’s Eve party in Vaughn’s penthouse apartment in Chicago’s Palmolive Building.

Vince and Kyla, 29, wed in front of about 65 friends and family members.

Lady Gaga New Year's Eve

Here's Lady Gaga in Miami, December 31, at her hotel before her performance. What do you think is going on here...is she on the rag? Proving that she's not a man or just showing the world that her crotch is very very sweaty? Obviously she wants to show us something or she would not have been outside where all could see.

Happy New Year

I want to offer this sincerely and to give a hearty "thank you" to you...the reader, my audience, my peeps!! I do all this insanity for you! Well, mostly cuz I enjoy writing and I need an outlet for all my stress and crazy fits, but I do try to entertain and you, my dears, are very important to me. I hope you enjoy the ride. Hopefully, in 2010, we will have more celebrities to laugh at and stranger things to enjoy. My wish for you: good health, joy and prosperity!

Be careful tonight and if you can't stay out of trouble, then you need to have a good story to share!

Happy New Year,
Spin

P.S. If you DO have a story to share, be sure to put it in the Snark Here section!

Amemba.....

DJ Earworm's 2008 mashup of the top songs then? Well, he's done it again with the 2009 top pop songs. Let's hope that 2010 is better, with very few celebrity deaths and less fuckery. Tiger Woods? Over him. Charlie Sheen? Don't care. Here's to greater entertainment and good music. Enjoy!

Happy Holidays!

With all the Charlie Sheen stuff going on and all (who is still drunk at 8:30 in the morning anyway and I doubt he's going to divorce his wife) it's just a great season for gossip! I'm having a hard time with computer hardware and hope to have it fixed soon. Very soon. Hang tight, I'll be right back with you!!

Christmas Blind gossip

from blindgossip.com:

They will spend Christmas morning together with their child/ren, opening gifts and having a family breakfast of pancakes and hot cocoa. Sweet, right? Not really. Their Christmas present to each other is several uninterrupted hoursin the guest quarters with their “other partner” on Christmas Day. So it will look like the family spent all day together – with a stream of friends coming and going during the day – while there’s actually a carefully scheduled series of merry making in the guest house.

Spin's guess - Will & Jada

they be gettin it on!

Poor Frances....

It seems she's had a rough time. Courtney Love has made an ass of herself abusing her, that's why Frances was pulled out of the house. This makes sense, I could see Courtney in drunken rages doing stupid things. I can't see Kurt being too happy. I don't think he'd be happy about it at all. From Radaronline:

Giving some insight into why Frances Bean Cobain was recently granted a temporary restraining order against her own mother, shocking new documents report accusations of domestic violence by Courtney Love against her daughter.

The documents, filed by an attorney for Frances and the two people seeking permanent guardianship of her, request that the court seal all documents that relate "to a minor and allegations of domestic violence." They also request Frances' medical records be sealed.

In addition the documents read: "In this proceeding, every document reveals details of Frances's (sic) relationship with her mother."

Wendy O'Connor and Kimberly Dawn Cobain have been granted temporary guardianship and are seeking permanent guardianship of Francis, 17.

No specifics are given regarding the domestic violence reference. But a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively: "Frances Bean dealt with a great deal of turmoil from her mother, which falls under Courtney being emotionally abusive towards Frances."

I Died Laughing....

If you've seen Jersey Shore, you'll love how they make fun of themselves:

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore's The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

Sadness...

TMZ is reporting that Brittany Murphy is dead, following cardiac arrest. Dead at 32.....WTF?

Brittany Murphy died early this morning after she went into full cardiac arrest and could not be revived, multiple sources tell TMZ.

She was 32.

A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ.

We're told Murphy was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where she was pronounced dead on arrival.

Murphy starred in such films as "Clueless," "8 Mile," and "Don't Say a Word."

UPDATE 3:11 PM ET -- Sources tell TMZ Brittany Murphy's mom discovered her unconscious in the shower. We're told when paramedics arrived, they quickly determined Murphy was in full cardiac arrest and immediately administered CPR. They continued CPR in route to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center -- several miles away -- and Murphy was unresponsive. She was pronounced dead at the hospital.

what the hell did Courtney Love do??

She not only lost custody of a daughter who in less than a year will be a legal adult, but also got slapped with a restraining order to not be near that daughter! If I had to guess, I would go with C Love hitting the hoss hard.....it would explain her crazy rants on facebook. I can't see any other reason for all this, it has to be drugs and maybe Francis just got sick of it. Hold on, Francis, honey, everyone is rooting for you to do well! It won't be long, dearie. Then you can make your own rules.

from TMZ and Courtney Love's facebook page:

"theres not a whole lot i can do about it. this is like a hand grenade got thrown into our lives and its not Frances! i am angry at these people not Frances id just prefer she not become Jaimie L Spears, she should go be a writer or an a...rtist wich i support 100% but this is a circus and it pains me cos i know she hates it."

It just gets depressing from there, Courtney followed it up by saying:

"i very much miss my daighter, i know she knows how miserable i am im despairing and so sad, so so sad, but i just want to help her be happy, thats it, get her house and get her school and thats all ive ever wanted."

TMZ also reports that on Jan. 5 there will be a hearing to make the restraining order permanent. Damm.

3 Britney Spears.....The Director's Cut

Have a look, I think this version is much much better than the official.

Fire up the Snark Grill!!

Oral Roberts died, let the jokes begin for those of us who have waited a long long time for this! I'll start things off with a few I found on Fark and Gawker....

Jeesus receives Oral

What about his brother Anal?

I call my porn name as Oral Robutts.

Oral Roberts University is now officially Blow Job U

[insert your joke here]

Today's Tidbits

Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to Mason Dash Disick.  Let's explore that a moment.  Mason Dash Disik....Mason Dash Dixon.....Mason - Dixon.  And Mason's middle name is from the Kardashian sisters' store in Miami.  Sweet Jessus with a rifle shootin reindeer.  (TMZ)

Courtney Love lost custody of her 17 year old daughter Francis Bean, with 8 months til Francis has total freedom as a legal adult.  What the hell happened?  Courtney has not had a crazy rant about this on Facebook, like when she posted that Britney Spears' father molested her.  Yet.  (Radaronline)

It seems Kate Hudson and A-Rod split, it just isn't official yet.  Did anyone actually expect this to last?    You might have a very hard life.(PopEater)

Kiefer Sutherland loves Christmas:

Get your popcorn!!

This is gonna be a trip, folks!  Houston elected their first lesbian mayor!

Annise Danette Parker was elected mayor of Houston on Saturday, winning her seventh consecutive city election and becoming both the first contender in a generation to defeat the hand-picked candidate of Houston's business establishment and the first openly gay person to lead a major U.S. city.

Parker, Houston's current city controller who first emerged in the public arena as a gay rights activist in the 1980s, defeated former City Attorney Gene Locke on an austere platform, convincing voters that her financial bona fides and restrained promises would be best suited in trying financial times. Parker, 53, will replace the term-limited Mayor Bill White on Jan. 1.

Her victory capped an unorthodox election season that lacked a strong conservative mayoral contender and saw her coalition of inside-the-Loop Democrats and moderate conservatives, backed by an army of ardent volunteers, win the day over Locke, a former civil rights activist who attempted to unite African-American voters and Republicans.

Parker harkened back to her earliest days of involvement in civic issues, when she served as president of Neartown Association, saying that work gave her the insight she needed as she headed into public office, and especially an understanding of the human repercussion of politics.

“Hear me: The city is on your side,” she said. “I learned about the problems and the needs and hopes of our city at the neighborhood level. I understand what needs to be done to move us forward.”

After introducing her family, including her partner, Kathy Hubbard, their three children and her mother, Kay Parker, she made a post-campaign promise to those who live in Houston.

“I promise to give to citizens an administration of honesty, integrity and transparency,” she said. “The only special interest will be the public. We are in this together. We rise or fall together.”

While some voters acknowledged it was a matter of concern, many saw no problem voting for a gay candidate, especially given Parker's assurances that she did not intend to expand gay rights through her position as mayor.

Ray Hill, the dean of Houston's gay activists, saw victory in more ways than one.

“For me, it means 43 years of hard work has finally paid off,” Hill said. “For Houston, it means we have finally reached the point where being gay cannot be used as a wedge issue to divide the community and prevent us from reaching our aspirations. Annise Parker is not our mayor — she is the city's mayor.”

*Banana Man approves*

It's a Baby Post Y'all

Babies popping out or about to!

Kendra's in labor at this point, for damm near 24 hours.  That must SUUUUUCK

Tom Brady and Giselle had a boy, havn't named him yet.

Kourtney Kardashian is ready to pop any minute now.  Kim and Khloe are ready to push everyone out of the way.

Christmas/Hannukah babies all around! This is Georgey, a kitten who hangs out with his mama and brother by my deck:

Christmas is near!!!

If you are at a loss for presents, think about pearls!! Pearls dress up denim, add that extra glowing touch to your interview suit, ladies and make perfect gifts! I have yet to ever hear anyone complain about getting pearls for a gift. I love pearls!

Check out Classical Pearls where worldwide shipping is free! They have beautiful pink pearls which would be great for a teenager, maybe your sister or daughter and they are so affordable! Choose from a variety of gorgeous pearl bracelets for grandma!

They guarantee that all their pearls are 100% authentic and all hand knotted which means that you can have real pearls that will last for a lifetime. Their return policy guarantees this so if you aren't happy with the product, you can return it.

Select your favorite color of post style Pearl Earring! I didn't know there was such a thing as black pearl earrings, I want a pair! Hint hint to my readers!

The selection includes Japanese Akoya saltwater pearls and the freshwater variety. They have many lovely colors to choose from, including pink, white, grey and black pearls. There are single strand and double strand necklaces. Pearl bracelets are available as a single, double or triple strand.


So when in doubt, go with pearls. Pearls are thoughtful, sexy and you just can't go wrong. Be sure to look up Classic Pearls so they can take care of your needs! Better hurry because Christmas and Hanukkah are coming up fast! Order today!

Tiger Furked me too

I mean hell, it seems he was gettin it on all over the place, why not? More and more bitches are coming out with Tiger stories....how long til one says that Cheetah gave her a cub? Just askin! From ONTD and Radaronline:

Tiger Woods' wife Elin has moved out of their house, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively.

The explosive development follows numerous women coming forward with claims of affairs with the golfing great.

Elin Nordegren had enough and moved out of the $2.6 million Windermere home,neighbors and other sources close to Tiger, told RadarOnline.com exclusively. Sources tell RadarOnline.com that Elin is living nearby in another house.

Tiger’s affair with Rachel Uchitel was revealed by the National Enquirer and then several other women came forward to tell their stories of sexual relationships with the golfer. He crashed his Cadillac SUV into a fire hydrant and tree in a bizarre one-car crash early Nov. 27 after arguing with his wife about his extra-marital activities.


Tiger and his reps are keeping Elin’s move top secret and hope she will come back to the house as soon as possible. They don’t want any publicity about what is going on in the marriage since Tiger’s cheating was revealed.

Cheating seems contagious

Lindsay Lohan and Cash Warren? Because Jessica Alba isn't enough? Or was Blohan trying to fuck him for coke? From the Superficial:

Lindsay Lohan has issued an exclusive statement to E! News addressing rumors she's been getting her coke hooks in Cash Warren:

"Cash Warren is a BUSINESS partner, nothing more, nothing less. And I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work, as well as my family, and getting everyone holiday gifts! Eeeks-stressful!"
Here's the original report from Us Weekly:

Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan "ignored friends and just chatted." The real trouble began half an hour in. "Lindsay and Cash started making out," an onlooker tells Us.
"Lip on tongue," the eyewitness continues, "It was raw. They were not shy!"
Another Villa patron that night gasped, "It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real."
Those close to Warren and Alba worry that their marriage is already on shaky footing. "Jessica is not as into Cash as she used to be," one source says. And the ever-fragile Lohan "becomes easily attached to everyone she meets and gets close to," one friend says. Adds another: "she's falling for [Cash]."

*what. the. fuck is in the water this holiday season?*

New Moon parody!!!

Sums it all up pretty well I think, so you can save your $$

In Non-Tiger Woods news......

The honeymoon's over for Khloe the immature and Lamar the future cheater! From Radaronline:

The honeymoon is over for Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. Just 10 weeks after their lavish made-for-TV wedding, the couple openly fought at a Los Angeles restaurant Wednesday night, an eyewitness told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

"Lamar caused a huge scene," the source said of the incident at Phillippe Chow restaurant. "He got jealous because Khloe was textingat the table and he yelled at her to quit it. She refused, so he stormed off and sat alone at the bar. Khloe just ignored him."

"He went and sat at the bar and watched TV by himself," the source added. "Khloe was with her best friend [Malika Hagg] and the poor girl was totally stuck in the middle.

"She was ruinning back and forth between the bar and the table trying to make peace but Lamar kept just saying 'I'm not talking to her. Let her talk to her phone. She can be alone with her phone.' It was bad.

"Finally he stomped back over to the table and grabbed the keys and left a couple of hundreds on the table. Khloe just turned her back to him so he walked out the front door."

It appeared that the NBA superstar had taken off on his own but he finally pulled around to the front of the restaurant in his SUV.

"Everyone thought Lamar had left but then he pulled around front in his SUV and the girls went out and jumped in.

*See, Khloe has no idea what marriage is about....start your office pools on when this faux marriage ends! This is gonna get gooood*

Blind Item!

Who could this be? From Janet Charlton:

This bootylicious reality star is in for more heartbreak. She recently reconciled with her naughty boyfriend after forgiving him for cheating. Now she’s thinking about a wedding, but HE’S not. Behind her back, the boyfriend has taken up with yet another stripper in Los Angeles, and the stripper is already shopping the story around to the highest bidder.

Hmmm, I wonder!

Tiger Speaks

And tbh...I understand cuz I woulda been totally embarrassed if those coupla times I passed out on my front lawn and somebody called the cops at 3am. Totally embarrassed. From Yahoo news:

WINDERMERE, Fla. (AP)—Tiger Woods canceled yet another meeting with state troopers but, for the first time, talked about his car crash on his Web site, saying it was his fault, that his wife acted courageously and that remaining details were private.

The statement was posted about an hour before troopers were to meet with the world’s No. 1 golfer at his home inside the gates of Isleworth. A meeting was not rescheduled.

In a tape of a 911 call released Sunday, two days after the accident, a neighbor told dispatchers that a black Cadillac Escalade hit a tree and “I have someone down in front of my house.”

Woods’ neighbor never mentions the golfer by name, and the call is inaudible at several points because of the bad connection.

“I came out here just to see what was going on,” the neighbor, who was not identified, told dispatchers. “I see him, and he’s laying down.”

In his statement, Woods took responsibility for the accident.

“This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me,” Woods said. “I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Woods said it was a private matter, and he wanted to keep it that way. What he failed to address was where he was going at that hour.

“Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible,” he said.

Windermere police chief Daniel Saylor has said Woods’ wife, Elin, used a golf club to smash out a rear window to help him get out of the SUV when she heard the crash from inside their home at 2:25 a.m. Friday.

“The only person responsible for the accident is me,” Woods said. “My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.”

The accident came two days after the National Enquirer published a story alleging that Woods had been seeing a New York night club hostess, and that they recently were together in Melbourne, where Woods competed in the Australian Masters.

The woman, Rachel Uchitel, denied having an affair with Woods when contacted by The Associated Press.

Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred confirmed she was representing Uchitel when she was reached by the AP on Sunday.