Wut?

I'm gonna go slit my wrists now or something, like maybe Evil Longwhoria's neck. From digital spy:

Eva Longoria: "I just got fat"

Eva Longoria has claimed that rumours that she is pregnant only started because she recently got "fat".

The Desperate Housewives actress made the remarks following fresh reports that she is expecting her first child with husband Tony Parker.

Longoria was spotted turning down raw fish sushi and alcohol during a recent night out.

She said: "I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I'm a size one."

Longoria and Parker have both previously stated that they are looking forward to starting a family.