You know what I really, really hate? I mean, drive me to violent, evil things because it makes me crazy kind of hate? Hypocrites. I completely abhor hypocrites. I especially hate watching people I know turn into raving hypocrites.
For example (I am not naming any names, I am just going to give the circumstances), when I hear one half of a couple that shouldn't be (and that's a story for another day) say that she and her husband don't listen or condone Amy Winehouse because of her lifestyle as a drug addict and alcoholic, I have to step back. Bitch, I think, didn't your husband meet you in jail when he was visiting some other trainwreck drug addict? What were you in for? Weren't you doing time for possession? So where do you get off with a judgement call like that? If you basis for listening to music were based on artists' lifestyles, you'd have no one to listen to. Get over yourself. See, she can afford to be all high & mighty, holier than thou now, because she married, nay, scratch that, she trapped money and is set for life. Funny how that happens. I also happen to know that they still smoke.
Example #2: A very good friend manages to land a better job, which they really deserved, makes more cash, gets a better apartment, which they really needed and hooks up with a decent girl who really seems to be a great match, has her own job & place so she's not going to suck the life out of them, so they should be happy with the world, yes? How is it that now they aren't exactly that great of a friend anymore, don't want to spend that much time and even act like and say that they don't like how you are now, even though you're not the person who changed? Now that they are doing better, they get an attitude and suddenly become picky about their time and you're no longer good enough, even though you don't have enough fingers and toes to count (not that you would, because you're not like that) how many times you baile d them uot of a bad spot, were there for them to cheer them up when life kicked the crap out of them, opened your home to them when they were in need and I'm the asshole? Bitch, I havn't changed! I'm still the same person!
Funny how money changes people. I always knew it did. I found my center a long time ago, but this sort of thing can't help but hurt. I always anticipate the best of people, I always have faith in their better side....and I am glad for my own centering, that I still know what is decent and right. But that doesn't keep you from being hurt. Somehow, you knew it would come, in spite of all your hopes for the better. That's the kind of thing that can drive you to being a very bitter person. I guess there really is no way to shield yourself from what you know deep down will happen. Somehow you just have to dig deeper and be a better person, love yourself a little more. I wish I knew a clever way to make it better but I don't.
I guess I'm not that smart.
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