Bono is a Fat Bastard:
Monday, August 18 2008, 17:07 BST
By Simon Reynolds, Entertainment Reporter
The group, whose upcoming album is rumoured to be titled No Line On The Horizon, have all been instructed to get into shape prior to starting promotional duties.
"U2 have an album coming out around January," a source told the New York Post. "And then the band is going on another world tour in March and April - so the boys have been told to start exercising all the summer weight off."
Four tracks from the LP, thought to be named 'Moment of Surrender', 'For Your Love', 'Sexy Boots' and 'No Line On The Horizon', allegedly leaked online last week.
Jessica Simpson wants to have a Bastard:
*And Jessica Simpson is Still an Idiot, Funny how she's trying to remain relevant with the only thing she has left: her uterus*
The singer revealed the news to her boyfriend's mum and dad on July 18, according to the National Enquirer.
Her announcement apparently prompted "a huge fight" at the Romo family home.
"Jessica and Tony thought she was pregnant and happily announced it to the family," said a source.
"The news resulted in dead silence. Then Tony's dad Ramiro said, 'You're not married. This is crazy!' Tony's mom Joan joined in, demanding, 'How can you do this to us?'"
Simpson allegedly later found out that she had made a mistake when reading her test results.
An insider added: "Her friends know she’s feverishly trying to conceive."