Friday, July 7, 2006



We've received a couple of reports from operatives who were briefly inconvenienced by a bomb scare at the Scientology Celebrity Centre last night, which managed to snarl traffic on the streets around L. Ron Hubbard's Hollywood mothership while the threat was contained. Luckily for all in the vicinity, Celebrity Centre personnel allowed the proper authorities to handle the situation, avoiding the potentially catastrophic mistake of dispatching on-call OTR-III Explosives Tech Jenna Elfman to shout accusations of baby rape at the possible bomb until it was shamed into defusing itself and enrolling in a pricey self-actualization course, and disaster was averted. The first report:

Last night at approximately 8pm I was on my way to my girlfriend's apartment [in a ] building across Bronson from the somewhat terrifying Scientology Celebrity Centre. Coming down Franklin, I was dismayed to be re-directed into a clusterfuck of traffic as police had sealed off the entire block surrounding the Centre. I called my girlfriend, who then tried to exit her building. The police would not let her leave her apartment building, saying that there was a bomb about 120 feet from where she was standing. Eventually some bomb squad SUVs came, did their thing, and left... at which point she was able to leave and I was able to walk the street. The thing I find oddest about it all is that even though there where dozens of people milling about (it seemed that Birds, Bourgeois Pig, etc where all evacuated), I have yet to see even the slightest mention of this anywhere...

The second report, with bonus non-Scientologist celebrity reaction to the scare, follows after the jump:

Got stuck in traffic due to a bomb scare at the Scientology Centre yesterday (insert Battlefield Earth / War of the Worlds joke here), trying to zig-zag on side streets with every other Hollywood-living Los Angeleno... including Bradley Whitford. As we passed one another in our desperate search for a path home that would take less than two hours, we exchanged bewildered looks: Him (in Aaron Sorkin scripted-trademark form): "Dude? What the hell?"; Us: "Hey man! You're awesome in the new STUDIO 60 series! Can't wait for the fall premiere!" And then, as all things do, we passed each other and were swept into the angry honks and beeps of another joyous L.A. commute home. Glad he's keeping it real in a Honda.

Previously: Jenna Elfman Attacks Man In Glib T-Shirt [Defamer]

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