Ashlee Simpson Should Keep Her Yap Shut

But since she can't, let's all make fun of her stupidness! from just jared:

Ashlee Simpson just took to her blog to debunk some ridiculous rumors and to talk about how much she loves being pregnant. Here’s what she wrote:

“Today I read on a blog that I went to the doctor and he said I was overweight and I cried and went to Planet Blue (because I was blue) and bought 6 pair of size 0 jeans. Now it is ridiculous to read such nonsense about oneself so I thought I would address this one…

1. My doctor says I am right on target with my weight gain
2. Have not been to Planet Blue in at least two years
3. Love my maternity jeans ..they have stretchy tops it is awesome!
4. My closet full of size 0’s are being worn by [husband Pete Wentz] right now and he looks hot in them :)

So now that I have cleared that up let me tell you…carrying a child is the most inspiring, emotional, amazing experience of my life. My weight and my pant size are the absolute last thing I am concerned about. I am only concerned with having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. People who talk and judge pregnant women’s weight need to get a life!!!

Peace and Love, Ashlee“

*Pete wears her size 0's? O_o

Gay.*

Blind Items!!!

from CDAN and these are fun!!

#1 - So what do you do if you are a C list actor from film and television with B+ name list recognition. You have been through several marriages, one of them extremely high profile, and have suffered through battles with drugs and alcohol and are apparently losing them again. Why, you go on sets and badger co-stars, former co-stars and others to buy Amway or whatever the hell they are calling themselves now. Our actor specializes in victimizing people with bit parts who don't want to upset him and possibly get fired so invariably buy things.

#2 & 3 - Some new information about one of the bigger breakups of the year. It was an A list actor and a wannabe. Apparently the A list actor found out that the wannabe had stopped taking birth control. He found this out when she told him she might be pregnant. Apparently he felt that her purposefully not taking the pill in order to get pregnant violated a rule and showed her the curb.

#4 - This A list actor who had some serious health and emotional issues last year, but was allegedly on the straight and narrow either doesn't care or had a huge slip over the weekend. At the same party that brought us two blinds from yesterday, our actor managed to consume almost an entire bottle of vodka all by himself. Sweet and very quiet was how the spy described him.

Umm, Whut?

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation center for sex addiction, his lawyer, Stanton "Larry" Stein, tells PEOPLE exclusively.

"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction," the actor says in an exclusive statement. "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."

Duchovny, 48, has been married to actress Téa Leoni since 1997. They have two children, daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6

Source: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20222358,00.html

Katie, we need to talk.

I realize accidents happen and shit goes on, hell, I tripped and fell ass backwards into my then-glass coffee table. Now it's wood. But srsly, when shit happens and ppl see bruising, they talk. You know better. You should be slapped for encouraging media and gossip speculation. Why didn't you wear tights or those gawd-awful jeans you have? Are you stupid? Why fuel the machine?

I give you photographic evidence from the Daily Mail:

FUNNY as HALE!!

If you think Matthew McConaughey is a character, wait until you meet his mom.

In her new book, I Amaze Myself! (iamazemyself.com), Kay McConaughey dishes on everything from her son Matthew’s conception to how her husband died in a compromising position with her!“On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love,” Kay says exclusively in the latest issue of Us Weekly. “But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened."I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing," she says. "But it was just the best way to go!”

And when her man couldn’t be revived, she made sure he was taken from the house in the buff.“I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey — and his gift,” she says.

The mother — who tells Us, “I would love to be on Oprah!” — also says that her most famous son, 38, was a happy accident.

It was just after she’d married Matthew’s dad for the third time.“I was deciding, ‘Do I want to have another baby? Do I want to have an affair? Or go back to school?’” she says. “That’s when Matthew was conceived. We had tried for 16 years and no baby. So Matthew was a big surprise!”

from ONTD. Personally, I love his mom!

For Ur LoLz!

And in other news....

Jamie Lynn is still a dumbass, Britney tries to help her. From ONTD:

Britney Spears is allegedly trying to convince her younger sister Jamie Lynn Spears to move in with her. Sources say the pop star has been trying to persuade Jamie Lynn to move to Los Angeles ever since the 17-year-old fell pregnant.

After hearing allegations that Jamie Lynn’s fiancé Casey Aldridge cheated with a woman named Kelli Dawson, the 26-year-old allegedly offered to fly Jamie Lynn and baby Maddie to L.A. in a private jet.

“Brit has assured Jamie Lynn that she’ll build a nursery for Maddie – even promising that when she buys her new place, it will have a special wing for them,” a source claims.

Meanwhile, sources claims Jamie Lynn has moved out of her Mississippi home where she lived with Aldridge and moved in with mother Lynne Spears.

Cha-Ching!

That's the sound that Charlie Sheen's wife's vagina made when they found out she was pregnant. Mission accomplished! She had been leaving her pee sticks around for the world to find and finally, all the effort took. Well, I guess that's all she has left, anyway, is to get pregnant. From foxnews.com:

The actor is expecting a child with wife Brooke Mueller, Sheen announced Monday in a statement.

"Brooke and I are thrilled!" the star of the CBS hit "Two and a Half Men" wrote. "She's the best stepmom Sam, Lola and Cassandra could ever hope for. Seeing her love and affection with those three, I know she'll be an amazing mom. Unless I bat 100 percent, perhaps a boy awaits us."

Sheen has three daughters: 25-year-old Cassandra Jade Estevez, whose mother is Sheen's former girlfriend Paula Profit, and two girls with ex-wife Denise Richards. Sheen and Richards are still embroiled in a bitter custody battle over 3-year-old Sam and 2-year-old Lola.

Sheen and Mueller, a real estate investor, tied the knot in late May.

Ricky Martin a Daddy?

Whut? Even the Gays are getting baby fever!!! Interesting and from Janet Charlton:

We knew Ricky Martin loved kids, but who would've guessed he'd have TWIN boys by gestational surrogacy? That means egg and sperm are united in a lab and a surrogate mother carries the fertilized egg or eggs. Thus the mother carrying the babies is NOT related to them. We're assuming Ricky is the test tube father - but what woman provided the egg or eggs? THAT is the burning question! Ricky has lots of female friends but we're thinking he'd pick someone very attractive - like former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres! Dayanara was married to Marc Anthony and they have two sons. She and Ricky are old friends. We think Ricky will be a great father.

*Would post picture but can't, Blogger is a whore-bitch that needs to DIAF*

File this under "Told You So"

Chris Kattan leaving his wife after 8 weeks of being married. Not worth it, was it buddy?

from Foxnews.com:

"Saturday Night Live" alum Chris Kattan and his wife, model Sunshine Tutt, have split after just eight weeks of marriage, his rep tells Usmagazine.com.

"Separated for the moment. No plans for divorce at this time," the rep said.

Kattan, 37, and Tutt, 31 — who began dating in 2005 after meeting at a birthday party — tied the knot this past June 28 in Yosemite Valley, Calif.

He popped the question at Tutt's grandmother's home in Gainesville, Texas, on Christmas Eve 2006. He gift wrapped the ring in a present.

"She is so kind, sweet and very beautiful. She's also very funny which always is a great thing. She's also very much like me," Kattan blogged on his Web site in August 2005.

"She makes me very happy," he went on. "It feels real and honest and I have more of a continuous smile than I have ever had before."

and from Janet Charlton:

Chris Kattan's friends weren't exactly surprised to learn that his marriage of two months is already on the rocks. Weeks before his wedding to model Sunshine Tutt, Kattan started getting cold feet. He said he felt trapped and kept asking himself "WHY am I getting married? I'm not sure I'm in love and I don't WANT to get married!" His friends tried to reassure him that most guys felt that way at the last minute, but he remained very agitated. To top it off, he was very disappointed that he couldn't make a big money deal to sell his wedding pictures! A bad start for a Hollywood wedding.

Gwen Stefani finally popped!!!

from CNN.com:

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- It's Love, Angel, Music and Baby No. 2 for Gwen Stefani, who gave birth to a boy Thursday.

Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani added to their family with the birth of baby Zuma on Thursday.

Zuma Nesta Rock weighed 8 pounds and 5 ounces when he was born Thursday afternoon, according to publicist Dave Tomberlin.

"Mother, baby and family are all happy and healthy," he said in a statement.

The pop star and fashionista has another son, 2-year-old Kingston, with her husband, rocker Gavin Rossdale. Rossdale also has a teenage daughter with fashion designer Pearl Lowe.

*Really, Gwen? ZUMA? You know what that makes me think of?*

*Srsly, WTF? This is what this kid has to look forward to for the REST OF HIS LIFE*

Story Time!!!

So there's this club not far from where my dealer and I live and we've been frequenting there because of its convenience.....We're not there all the time but enough that we know the bartenders and owners (2 brothers) fairly well. A couple of the bartenders and we have an ongoing conversation/joke about having midget strippers (little people, don't get offended). IT WOULD BE THE COOLEST THING EVER AND THEY MUST GET THEM AT THIS CLUB!!! I might love that more than old people in bars!

So anyhow, we were with a couple that we frequently hang with and the evening had gone on and we were getting ready to leave, I was out in the parking lot with my dealer and we were about to get in our car to go home when the other girl sent me this text message on my phone:

"midget in the bathroom"

I RAN back inside the club to the bathroom and sure enough, there was a little woman midget!!! To my delight, my friend had already struck up a conversation with her and she was kinda lit, it was PERFECT!!! She was so perfect!!! I do not remember her name, sadly, but she had light auburn hair, green eyes and was maybe all of 3.5' tall...it was hard to tell because she was wearing platforms. My friend and I immediately set to brushing her hair and doing it up and doing her makeup for her simply because we were so smitten with her!

She kept showing us her tatoos and piercings while telling us a sad tale of her life, probably why she got lit all the time.....her ex husband had murdered her young child, he was serving life but she was torn up about her 8 year old. after we got her hair and face all done up, we went out and drank and danced. I wish I had had the presence of mind to get a picture to show you. I so want to adopt her!!!

Anyhow, along with old people in bars, you MUST find a little person to hang with, they are more fun than you can handle. For real.

Blogger is being a slow bastard

eSo I'm gonna hit you with two in one here from digital spy:

Bono is a Fat Bastard:

Monday, August 18 2008, 17:07 BST

By Simon Reynolds, Entertainment Reporter

Rex Features

Bono has been instructed to lose weight ahead of U2's proposed tour next year.

The group, whose upcoming album is rumoured to be titled No Line On The Horizon, have all been instructed to get into shape prior to starting promotional duties.

"U2 have an album coming out around January," a source told the New York Post. "And then the band is going on another world tour in March and April - so the boys have been told to start exercising all the summer weight off."

Four tracks from the LP, thought to be named 'Moment of Surrender', 'For Your Love', 'Sexy Boots' and 'No Line On The Horizon', allegedly leaked online last week.

Jessica Simpson wants to have a Bastard:

*And Jessica Simpson is Still an Idiot, Funny how she's trying to remain relevant with the only thing she has left: her uterus*

Rex Features

Jessica Simpson told Tony Romo's parents that she was pregnant after misreading a test, say reports.

The singer revealed the news to her boyfriend's mum and dad on July 18, according to the National Enquirer.

Her announcement apparently prompted "a huge fight" at the Romo family home.

"Jessica and Tony thought she was pregnant and happily announced it to the family," said a source.

"The news resulted in dead silence. Then Tony's dad Ramiro said, 'You're not married. This is crazy!' Tony's mom Joan joined in, demanding, 'How can you do this to us?'"

Simpson allegedly later found out that she had made a mistake when reading her test results.

An insider added: "Her friends know she’s feverishly trying to conceive."

Nastia Liukin is FIERCE

That is all.


and for your Micheal Phelps fix for the day (mine too):

OMG!!! EEL MAN DID IT!!!!

MICHAEL PHELPS BROKE THE RECORD!!! HE HAS 8 GOLD MEDALS!!!!



OMG THAT RELAY WAS SO GOOD!!! He was perfect in the third spot!!! The team did so well! I am so proud of them!!!



Spin approved!

And here's some Dara Torres love because she is INCREDIBLE!!! Spin is proud of you too bb!!

FOR FUCK'S SAKE NO

IT MUST BE A LIE!! NOOOO!!! Keanu cannot play my beloved Spike!!! off of ONTD:

First Showing is reporting that Keanu “Whoah” Reeves is adding another straight-faced hero to his resume, playing intergalactic bounty hunter Spike Spiegel in the live-action adaption of anime cult-favorite, Cowboy Bebop.




According to First Showing’s “inside source” at Fox studios, Cowboy Bebop has long been buried in the list of movies waiting to be green lit, with Reeves attached to the project for some time now. That bit of star-power, plus some early fan buzz, has motivated Fox to fast-track Cowboy Bebop for a 2010 release; though currently there is no director, writer, or script for the film.

For those who aren’t into anime, Cowboy Bebop follows the exploits of a team of bounty hunters, (”Cowboys” as their known,) who coast the cosmos aboard their spaceship, Bebop, tracking down the universe’s worst criminals and collecting the bounty on their heads. The plot thickens when the team’s strong but silent leader, Spike (Reeves) begins to run across his old buddies from a nefarious crime syndicate he used to belong to. The only thing standing in the gangsters’ way? Spike, and the crew of the Bebop.

If Reeves is attached, you can expect the scale of this flick to be big-budget epic. Warring spaceships and kung-fu throwdowns complete with gun fire. Nice. Between Cowboy Bebop, the upcoming Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li and the live-action Dragonball movie, it seems Hollywood is trying to cash in on the anime universe.

Almost forgot about this!!!

Interesting, yes? Paula Wagner QUIT! from Holy Moly!

There was dancing in the streets (of Tom Cruise's mind) when Tom Cruise and business partner Paula Wagner crowned themselves heads of MGM movies. This came shortly after Tom was unceremoniously dropped by United Artists after the failure of 'Mission: Impossible III' and the fact that he was becoming a bit of an embarrassing liability and a figure of fun in the industry. Now at last they had their own movie company together with which to produce classics and blockbusters alike.

It didn't quite work out. Nobody knows why. Perhaps something to do with the fact that Tom is an increasing liability and even more of a figure of fun in the industry. Paula issued a sad statement.

"I've truly relished working with my longtime partner Tom Cruise to revitalize United Artists, and I am proud of all that we've accomplished in the past two years, reinvigorating the brand and developing such a strong slate of films."

Does anyone have any idea of what this strong 'slate' of films are? Maybe 'Valkyrie' the one where Tom plays a 'good Nazi', which is such a strong film that it has been sitting in a warehouse unreleased for a year or so?

"As much as I've enjoyed my time as an executive, I have longed to return to my true love, which is making movies, so that's what I've decided to do"

Instead of listening to tales of intergalactic warlords thrown into the volcanoes of an otherwise insignificant planet called... Earth.

To be fair to Paula, she's done her fair share of duty on the Good Ship Cruise and it's to her credit that she's one of the last ones to leave this sinking, rusting vessel's career.

Next week: Katie Holmes is nervously eyeing the lifebelts and wondering if she'll burst into flames when she hits the water, now that she is an android.

Suri

Yes, she is adorable, but I've been waiting for her to get old enough to compare facial features with her parents. I still wonder why Suri was picked....why not Rose? What is wrong with Rose as a name?

I've always found it fascinating to compare a child's features with mom and dad's, you can see some of both in the child, usually. But Suri's features make me curious:



I can see Katie in her but I'm having a hard time seeing Tom's genetic influence. Coincidence? What do you think?


yes? no?

Maybe we can all agree that she looks like the renegade child/clone of Bjork:

2008 Olympics!!!

Because I have turned into a total rings junkie, here's a gif I picked up of Micheal Phelps when the men's swimming team won one of the relays and they BEAT FRANCE! SUCK IT FRANCE!.......PHELPS FOR THE MF WIN!!!! GO USA!!!!










and Canada.....why u suckin so bad, bbs???? Savin it for the track?

This is PERFECT!

And only Lainey can tell it:

Love me some low classy sex dramz.

So Jamie Lynn Spears got knocked up at 16, engaged shortly thereafter. His name? Casey. Three years her senior, lays pipes for a living, enjoys rolling around on a tractor with a shotgun…oh yeah and f*cking some other twat on the side.

Of course the twat on the side is now telling selling her story to a tabloid.

Her name is Kelli. Kelli reveals in an exclusive interview with bottom feeding rag In Touch that Casey was still nailing her when Jamie Lynn was pregnant. They met a couple of years ago because, as you can see, Kelli is some classy sh*t and Casey couldn’t resist:

“He totally instigated it and pursued me. His friends would tell me that he liked me, that he thought I was pretty.”

He and Jamie Lynn were already dating. Still…Kelli and Casey’s relationship consisted only of a few “random” snogs until Jamie Lynn announced her pregnancy. Then it graduated to, as she puts it, the “hot and heavy.”

But Kelli has values. And as JL’s belly started swelling, Kelli said “It just didn’t feel right. He had to deal with the baby coming, and it had to stop.” But not before one last goodbang in March.

Nowadays? They just “kiss occasionally” and see each other once a week.

So here’s the question: did Jamie Lynn keep her baby to keep her man?

We’ll have to wait til the next installment of the Trailer Park Chronicles to find out.